Career Journey

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Career Journey, I recently was promoted into a Supervisors position at work.  I have been employed with the same company for twenty-two years, and just got tired of new younger people coming in to tell me what to do.  I have always been in supervising mode, it’s just me,  to take control of a situation or just to take the lead.  But as I take on these new responsibilities I wonder where they are to take me.  When I excepted the position they also brought on new supervisor who let me know that I had been in the same position for all her life.  I wasn’t sure how to take the comment, I wasn’t sure if it was a complement or a put down.  Is this what I have to look forward to is what I asked myself.  Is this what I want to deal with?  I am taking on more responsibilities with less inspiration.

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Religious Journey

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Religious Journey, seventeen years ago back  in the 90’s was a horrible  time for me , I was truly lost to myself and my family.  In my world drugs ruled everything and almost everybody.  It was a time when my self-confidence as well as my self-respect were at its lowest point.  I was struggling with drug addition while trying to raise my sons and hold on to a relationship and maintain my job.  I had relapsed and ended up  at my mother’s church in the prayer line.  I recall one of the Mothers of the church praying over me.  This was a Sanctified Church that she belonged to so they were speaking in “tongue”. So I didn’t know what she was saying.   She had been praying over me for about five minutes when she turned to my older sister who was also praying and said ” The lord said she must come to him by her name”.  My sister said her name is Lorraine, the Mother said” no”, by her birth name, which my sister then said Viola Anderson.  Now I did hear her say Lorraine a couple of times while she was praying but never did I expect for her to say that.  It was so much commotion going on, praying and clapping, praising, and through it all I kept hearing her say ” she must come to me by her  name.  How would this woman know that Lorraine was not my birth name?  This is the name I go by in the streets, this is the name my family uses, I’m only Viola at work or for business.  But what I know for sure is what she said, she must come to me by birth  name.  That was the first time during these terrible  years I felt safe.  I felt as though these people had been waiting for me, waiting to help me get off this dreadful road I was on.  This was the first time I felt a personal connection with my Lord whom I do call Jesus Christ.  That there was a higher power that was greater than myself.    That I would not be judge by what I had done, that I would be given the chance to change.  That I was loved by my Lord, that I had during all this time a place to go where people where waiting to help me.  That I was worthy of happiness and I would be okay.  A couple of days later when talking with a friend of mine, I told her what happened and she said that this was my testimony, and that I should share this  experience with others, and I have.  I slipped once or twice more during those years but I never felt helpless or alone as I had before, this time I felt as though I was a stronger person who was loved and important to not only my family but my Lord and was more than that.   That is what help me put my life on track, feeling like I was more than my circumstances, more than my body size, more than as India Arie says, more than my hair, or my skin.  I was a descendent of Kings and Queens and of powers so much greater than myself, so valuable to many, so I stopped.   I chose instead to become a great mother, a great friend, a great daughter, a great employee, and even a great mate.  I don’t go to church every Sunday but I hold my God close to my heart and I thank him for everything even when I don’t get a parking ticket at work and I should have I yell out thank you Jesus because I feel like he’s still with me helping my out. I get up with these memories daily and that is what keep me going strong.  There you have it my Religious Journey.

A Spiritual Journey

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I was driving to Tennessee one year and I had what might be a spiritual journey.  It’s the red dirt of Tennessee that I love and the many interesting things that I find.  The Lauderdale County area is  where my parents  family is from. There is a Fort they’re called Fort Pillow and I was driving through the park where the fort is located and decided to pull over and take some pictures.  The story of Fort Pillow is that there was a massacre  of a Black Troop by Confederate Troops.  The story is long so I won’t go into it but the area is rumored to be haunted.  I was trying to take some pictures when I realized how silent it was there.  Nature all around you and I could hear nothing just silence.  I started to take some pictures and it wasn’t as though I saw anything, it was as though I had filled up saddest and just got real emotional.  I felt as though I was not feeling my own pain but someone else’s pain. I started crying and just couldn’t stop.  I felt as though I had lost someone special to me, but I didn’t know of any family member who might have been a part of the massacre.
Well after a while I calmed down and got back in my car and left.  As I was driving back out of the park I felt at peace, a calm came over me and I felt like everything was alright.  I told my cousins about it later and they told me we had family members who not only died in the battle of Fort Pillow  but that they lived there .  I was also told there had been a Black Town in that area that had also been destroyed by the confederate army.  I don’t know if it was family or just me  feeling the spirits of those left behind but  what  I felt  was real,  even thought I was sad while there I still go back every time I go to Tennessee.  I felt at home and peaceful , was it me just feeling all the lost of life in the area,  don’t know but I felt it.

Physical Journey

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My Physical Journey as I much to quickly approach fifty is to become a better person to me.  I have lived most of my life distracting myself from me.  When I left my mother’s home at the wise age of 20 I did not leave it thinking about how to better me.  I left with the thought that now that ” I think I’m grown” and I have my own place it’s time to find a man.  So out on the hunt I went, and like most young girls I didn’t hunt long, and as a matter of fact it wasn’t even a good hunt, I went to a job interview two weeks after moving and this guy kept looking at me and within a week or two were a couple.  That’s it, that all it took, he’s looking at me.  So I don’t think it was a hunt I think it was ” It’s A Man” .  That’s what would complete me, I was of course grown and out my momma’s house the only next step was to have a man.  Who I was as a person never crossed my mind.  I didn’t think go out there and discover what I liked about me or what did I like to do, or where I even wanted to travel to.  I put him right in front of me.  Two years later I had my first son, then another, then another.  All of I put in front of me.  Now the boys are moving on with their life and Dad is not as shiny anymore.  So there I stand, last summer I planted a vegetable garden and I found that I liked it, it was a lot of work, but I liked it.  It did help clear my mind on days when work had me screaming.  I think that was the start of me doing something for me, and it was good.  So now my journey is me.  I am gonna garden this year, get to a better place in my head, love my body with exercise and good foods and see where it takes me.  I love my son to death but they are own their own roads now, and they are excited for me and not so shiny dad can take care of himself, they even say it’s my time.

Family Journey

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Today my oldest son turned 21.  I have two other boys ages 16, and 19, the old saying of where does the time go, I truly understand today.  First the girls snuck in when I wasn’t looking and now time has slipped by my too.  I can truly remember the first pains of labor, I still recall the fear I had when I knew it was really about to happen, I was in labor.  Now he’s twenty-one.  I still here myself making the phone call to his father at work telling him it was time.  That’s funny, you hear that on tv but that really what I said.  Now he’s an adult, legally able to do whatever he wants to do.  I can’t pull my mother card to make him come back to me either.  As Big Bother, he played the role well for him brothers, his youngest brother is the biggest pain in his life, my middle son he doesn’t worry with much he said he makes the right decisions but I need to watch my little brother. I am so proud of my boys as I watch them grow and ready themselves to leave home for the real world.  I never knew how lonely it would be as they start this transition in life but I know you have to let them go a find their own road, make their own mistakes, boy is that hard.   But even with turning 21 he doesn’t want to go out drinking or anything like most young men his age, he wants dinner with his mother. I guess I did something right.

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